So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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