There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
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Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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