so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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