Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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