I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
