My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
