Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
