mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
