I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
