I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
