I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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