and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
