fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
