Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
