Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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