What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
