tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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