im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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