i barfeds in our rink
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
