Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
