honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
