is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'