ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was confusing and full of hummus
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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