Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch

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(647): View more from Ontario

We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(678): View more from Georgia

Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.

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(805): View more from California

Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.

(615): View more from Tennessee

And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass

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(407): View more from Florida

She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor

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