I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.