Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

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  (765): I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart. http://tfl.nu/xlbc
  Replies (37) Good night (7099) Bad night (1806)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.

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  (832): I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style. http://tfl.nu/zqa3
  Replies (8) Good night (5404) Bad night (1049)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.

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  (647): We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda. http://tfl.nu/2f76
  Replies (8) Good night (4165) Bad night (1128)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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  (250): I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower http://tfl.nu/dtnj
  Replies (14) Good night (6232) Bad night (1287)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  even the AIR tastes like tequila.

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  (910): even the AIR tastes like tequila. http://tfl.nu/sty9
  Replies (4) Good night (3202) Bad night (967)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?

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  (239): What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex? http://tfl.nu/g36z
  Replies (11) Good night (3675) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.

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  (248): Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/xu6p
  Replies (6) Good night (2152) Bad night (726)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.

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  (709): I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards. http://tfl.nu/5dgw
  Replies (6) Good night (1588) Bad night (688)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.

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  (308): I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll. http://tfl.nu/yzo7
  Replies (0) Good night (979) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.

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  (214): You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS. http://tfl.nu/zazd
  Replies (1) Good night (1599) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.

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  (814): My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night. http://tfl.nu/obx4
  Replies (2) Good night (458) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.

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  (425): I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh. http://tfl.nu/ednt
  Replies (5) Good night (656) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.

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  (647): Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul. http://tfl.nu/h3kr
  Replies (1) Good night (569) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...

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  (970): he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands... http://tfl.nu/z4i5
  Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.

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  (248): In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later. http://tfl.nu/yith
  Replies (2) Good night (925) Bad night (237)

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