well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing