i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize