he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.