my mouth tastes like poor choices
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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