Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
