I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
