my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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