his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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