Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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