she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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