you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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