I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
