Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
