I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
