you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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