Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
