Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
