If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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