I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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