You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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