Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
