sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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