at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
