How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
