Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sober January is a disaster.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
