He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
