these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.