she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.