he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The power of my boobs compel you
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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