Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC