who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sarcasm needs its own font
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
