She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So apparently I’m into choking now
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