cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
