Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
