i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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