I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
