I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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