Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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