so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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