I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
