It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
