What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
