oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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