Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
