She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
