i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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