apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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