Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.