One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Since when is my clitoris pierced?