I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left