please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.