Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.