dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
